Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
After two tries at trying to write a very insightful blog post about my soul I have decided that it is just too hot and muggy to try to be profound. I am still working on the piece Moving On and it is moving right along. I am going to treat myself to an afternoon of music and embroidery and perhaps tomorrow I'll tell you about my soul or perhaps not. I can say one thing about souls. I believe in them. I believe in a giving and loving universe. That when you are quiet and contemplative, soul speaking and soul searching are easier. So on that note bless you and may you find as much peace on your journey as you need today(and be thankful your air-conditioning is working). Give A Little Bit is a song by Supertramp, it's a great song and you can find the version you like the best on YouTube(or give yourself a gift and listen to it for the first time).
Monday, May 28, 2012
My cousin sent me this email and it describes my thoughts of the troops perfectly. No matter how we feel about all these horrible wars and the mess that our government officials have put us through for the last 10 years. Our thoughts and our prayers should always be with the men who risk their lives and sacrifice their family time to serve our country. A heartfelt thank you to each and every one of you. THIS IS THE BEST EMAIL OF THE DAY!!! As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at t he engine. I put my groceries away in my car, and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty five feet away. I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade. He then turned back to the old man. I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying: 'You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age.' And then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot. I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief, and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her; he appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had seen enough, and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight, and as I got near him I said, 'Looks like you're having a problem.' He smiled sheepishly, and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself, and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road, and I told the old man that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went I inside. I saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them, and related the problem the old man had with his car. I offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him. The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine), I spoke with the old gentleman. When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve with?' He said that he served with the first Marine Division at Guadalcanal Pelieliu, and Okinawa . He had hit three of the worst ones, and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card. He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it, and I stuck it in my pocket. We all shook hands all around again, and I said my goodbye's to his wife. I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the station. Once at the station, I told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me. One of them pulled out a card from his pocket, looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then that they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off. For some reason I had gone about two blocks, when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name was written:'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.' I sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage, and an honor to have been in his presence. Remember, as we approach another Memorial Day, OLD men like him gave you, and all of us, FREEDOM for America . Thanks to those who served and still serve, and to all of those who supported them, and who continue to support them. America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them! Remember, Freedom isn't Free. Thousands have paid the price, so that you can enjoy what you have today.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
I was going to take the weekend off of blogging because I don't really have anything new to talk about. I'm still looking for a job, looking for a home and moving forward to my future. Slowly, very slowly. But I'm moving. But it also part of my dream to be a writer so here I am.
I am on a journey from the life I've lived to the life I want to have. I have to trust that there is a god or a universe that knows where my journey will lead. I have to trust it completely or I will stay stuck in the moment and not move anywhere. Fear has been a constant companion in the last week but so has faith. Being fearful allows you to just stop dead in your tracks and let your life happen to you instead of letting you make you life happen. Faith allows you to take the baby steps or leaps when you need to move forward. So in essence, you move forward, you move backwards and then you move forward again.
I would like to believe I trust in faith more then fear but sometimes it's very hard to make the distinction. I tend to live more in my yesterdays then my today sadly. But I am still moving forward with the faith I need to catapult myself into a new life. There have been many positive changes in the last few months since I made the decision that my life wasn't working. I feel much more an artist, I've lost some weight, I've sent my baggage to another destination and I like myself more. I've started meditating and listening to different types of music and wondering what else I can do to provide for myself. But then there is the fear that I will make a mistake, that I will end up stuck here or get out on my own and lose everything. But sometimes in life you have to look that fear in the eye and say there is always tomorrow.
We don't know what God and the universe have in store for us, until tomorrow becomes now. In this moment and all the following moments I must pay attention to the faith and the fear. I will cobble together the life I want to live, where there is meaning and purpose and love. Love of my hand embroidery, love of music, peace in meditation when I'm not feeling very peaceful. That is all I can do at the moment. But I do know one thing, I must live more in faith then in fear. Blessings.
Friday, May 25, 2012
I will be back on Tuesday with the piece I shared yesterday completed. Have fun in the sun and enjoy your families.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
This is the piece I was working on yesterday and it doesn't have a name but it may just be called moving on. It is a transitional piece tying up some loose threads both literally and metaphorically.
My whole life is changing and that has me just a little bit jittery. When I'm jittery the best thing I can do is embroider. So if you need anything hand embroidered now is the time to request it. But seriously making momentous changes in your life can be completely unnerving. Fear has a big place in my head and I am trying so many different ways to deal with that fear and unfortunately for myself and everyone around me I probably haven't handled it the best way I could have.
All I can do right now is be myself and just keep moving. I can't change who I am just to get a job that isn't suited for me. And I can't change who I am just to get a little bit more in a divorce settlement. I just want to walk towards a more peaceful and happy future. One where just being who I am is enough. A job that suits me, a mediator that will make things easier, some embroidery that keeps me sane. Music, laughter,life and art.
Not a lot to ask for, so I have faith that if I just keep moving forward in a way that honors me to my essence everything will be ok. The past is over, the future not yet here so I'm gonna make a choice to honor myself, love myself and live in the moment.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I start with a simple drawing as my embroidery needle is better at illustrating then is a pencil. I then find the largest bundle of tangled threads I can find and pick out one thread at a time and then I look at the piece and decide where it will best fit. Each different color expresses myself at that moment and boldly goes where no thread has gone before. I then embroider, filling in all the empty spaces with stitchery. Making the piece whole and unified.
I love color and the interaction between each thread and it's intended location is a song to me. The randomness of picking a thread out of a tangled mess and making something beautiful out of it reminds me that even though our lives are tangled and sometimes we don't know our answers, a combination of different colors and experiences make our day beautiful. No strand of thread is too small for me to use unless of course it is too small to put through a needle. That reminds me that there is always something wonderful even in the most darkest of places.
Try to find something colorful, tangled and beautiful and give it love today. I am going to love working on my beautiful piece crafted from chaos and moving into peace. Blessings.
Monday, May 21, 2012
This morning I am inspired to live in the moment. The song Lasan by Michael Kiwanuka is running through my mind. The message is about living every day like you're running out of time and saying the things you need to say and not leaving anything behind. As people we tend to worry about our past and worry about our future and we just don't realize that we have choices to make in the moment. Are we going to appeal to our better angels or are we going to live with our demons? Every person has a demon somewhere inside them and every person has an angel somewhere inside of them. That is the choice of living in the moment, are you an angel or are you a demon?
I had a soul enhancing day yesterday. My friend Cheryl and her husband are singers in an oratory group and they were putting on a performance of Elijah by Felix Mendelssohn. I didn't think I would like it but I went to support my friends. Let me just say I am so joyful and glad that I went. It turned out to be exactly what I needed in this moment of my life.
I spent the first half of the concert looking for my friends, trying to keep up with the words in the program and generally fidgeting in my seat. I thought the singers and the orchestra were excellent but I didn't really feel the joy of the performance. During the intermission I found my friends and their beautiful daughter and her husband. I sat with Debra and Michael during the second half and felt comfortable enough to just listen and enjoy the beautiful and inspirational performance.. At times I watched each instrument and how it was being played and heard the voices of angels in the chorus. The lead singers were extraordinary and it was beautiful. I closed my eyes and just let the performance take me where it wanted to go and I listened to the message of the piece. Redemption and hope. For the first prolonged moments of the last couple of months I was filled with hope for the future.
I then went out with my friends to dinner and just enjoyed those moments and flavors too. My friends do this really cool thing, they pick a little of this and a little of that and then they try everything. They do this at home too, it's always fun to eat with them it reminds me of my childhood dinners at my grandmother's house. It was pure joy eating with their family and they made me feel like I was a part of their family. It was truly a wonderful day. In each moment yesterday I chose whether I was going to enjoy the experiences of music and friends or if I was going to find something to distract me. On the whole I would say it was a moment of making good choices and enjoying the wonderful of the day.
This morning I'm here writing about living in the moment. After I write this post I am going to sit and embroider with my headphones on and I will be joyful. That is my choice. Make good choices, experiment with different genres of music, try a little food your might not ordinarily eat. Just be in the moment and find joy. Blessings.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
I woke up this morning with a song in my heart again. Waking up with songs in my heart, the day seems to go better. I have a very active mind with a lot of words swimming around it along with the song of the day. It is hard to keep the negative words out when you are going through a life change or just moving around in your daily life. But I have found that meditation stops the world for a little while and lets me find my own thoughts.
There are some wonderful meditation videos on YouTube to get you started. I find that now I am able to meditate most of the time without YouTube, just me and the internal guidance from the universe. That guidance makes me feel loved, protected and hopeful. Mostly it tells me to live a life I love and I will find the answers. I have to say after meditating I do feel more in control of myself and my world and it brings me back to the moment.
In the past I tended to live in the past or dream about the future, to be honest sometimes I still do. After meditation I am better able to focus on the now and that is really the only thing we have control over anyway. Being an artist you can make lots of beautiful, intricate work but that does not guarantee that anybody else will think so. So all I can do is enjoy the process and find beautiful ways to keep the process going in the moment. Music makes my process easier and fills me with joy while I do something I love and meditation makes my mind quiet enough to enjoy both the music and the hand embroidery.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Music has the ability to transcend time and distance. Every day millions of us are listening to the same song at the same moment somewhere in our great universe. I just listened to the fabulously fabulous Aretha Franklin on my Zune Player. Thirty songs of greatness all wrapped up in one collection of some of her greatest hits. What an inspirational and empowering couple of hours that was. Who cannot be inspired by Respect which should be the freakin anthem for every single(and married) woman out there in the universe. I was inspired to hand embroider a piece this morning which is already coming along and I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Somehow I think looking backwards at music is a great place to start to find inspiration. A lot of the bands today that are very popular depend on machinery to make their voices sound better and when you see them live they sound nothing like the band you listen to. The same can be said of the bands of olden days, but when you listen to them on vinyl, cd or 8 track tape, they bring you back to a time of simpler days and simpler ways. And there are some truly talented bands who somehow manage to pull off that trick of sounding and playing the same on a CD as they do live.
Technology is wonderful but there is something special about listening to music with sparse technology. To hear the strings of a guitar, or the beating of a drum, or the voice of an angel. Music is and always has been the medium that goes straight from your ears to your soul no matter what kind of music you listen to, be it a hymn at church, or a classic from Beethoven . It has the ability to inspire much the same way a painting or hand embroidered art piece has that ability using your eyes.
Life is meant to be lived. It's not meant to be spent in front of a computer 24/7 or a television 24/7 you have to leave some of your senses behind to do what you are being called to do. In my case in this moment I choose to listen to some great music and embroider a piece that is calling to me. Tomorrow it may be a different tune but for this moment this is all I'm looking forward to and enjoying,
No matter where you are and who you are with put on some music, get off your duff and dance and then be inspired to do something you love. Blessings.
Friday, May 18, 2012
When it comes right down to it we all have to trust and believe in something. Do we trust the inner guidance of our souls or do we trust the real world? I believe in the power of a dream and the power of my soul. I also believe it is possible to both trust the real world and trust our dream world.
Sometimes we have to take a day job to be able to trust our dreams. I truly believe in living from my soul and from my heart. I would not have the life I have today did I not believe in things that others don't ordinarily see. I believe in synchronicity and happenstance and that everything happens for a reason. If something is destined to happen it's gonna happen eventually, all we have to do is look around in nature to see that. Flowers don't have to fill out job applications or trust in their dreams they just grow, naturally and freely. But then flowers don't really have to pay bills either.
So being a lovely tulip today, I looked for a job on line and found 3 possibilities. If one of those jobs is meant to be it will be and if it's not I'll have to find another 3 jobs that speak to me tomorrow. I am also writing my blog and as soon as I finish I am off to crochet something lovely I think. I'm a little stuck in the embroidery part of my mind so I'm trusting myself to do something completely different.
We don't have to limit ourselves to one dream, although if one really believes in their dreams and they come true that is a miraculous and wonderful thing. It shows the world that we can trust and believe in something higher then ourselves. It is just meant to be. I have found the most wonderful friends, business associates and myself in this lovely place where I live just by believing in a dream.
It's a miracle that I am here at this moment now writing this blog. It will be a miracle to see what I can create with God's guidance. But reality also has a place in my head, I'm believing that whatever is God's will has materialized. I took a couple of steps in both directions and we'll see what happens. Life is meant to be lived and all of us have to listen to our hearts and our souls and reality. Believe in your dreams, walk towards them, Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you've imagined. Just accept God's plan and move forward. Blessings.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
It could be a conspiracy amongst the annual flower growers of America or it could be that I'm not really a summer person and I prefer to be embroidering flowers in the air conditioning instead of growing them. Whatever the answer is at least I'll have my gardening angel until July(or maybe sooner if you need a gardening angel just email me).
I think I will embroider some flowers next to curry good favor with the flower gods. Thanks for reading. Blessings to your gardens. See you soon.
There once was a bird named Dotty. She was given that name because of the beautiful green spots she had on her body that looked like a knot. Dotty made friends very easily and was kind to all that she met in the forest. Dotty thought all you had to be was nice and kind and all of the other animals would like you. And a lot of them did, the squirrels, the chipmunks all liked Dotty and even the Bear, Bernie liked her.
But even in a forest where almost everyone liked Dotty some of the animals were not so kind, the fox would steal the eggs from the bird’s nest and there was a pesky beaver or two that just did not like Dotty. They thought she tweeted too much out there in the forest and they were trying to get some rest. So Dotty let those animals make her change who she really was. She hid her beauty, stopped singing her beautiful song and hoped that those animals that didn’t like her would be her friend.
One day while she was flying around the forest, she saw a man who looked like he was lost. She flew up to him and wanted to help him. The man wasn’t really lost but he was lonely and looking for a beautiful bird to bring home and put in a cage so that he could look at her every day. He took one look at the beautiful Dotty and just had to have her. He brought her home and put Dotty in a cage where he could look at her but she couldn’t fly away.
Dotty was very sad and lonely in the cage. She did not sing her song for such a long time. She lost hope and cried and cried and cried. She really didn’t know how long she had been in the cage, it could have been a day, it could have been a week or maybe even longer than that. She was trapped in a sad house with sad people and she just lost track of the time.
One day while Dotty was trying to figure out a way out of the cage, she heard a roar. Then she heard another roar telling her that there was a key to the cage. The roar came from right outside the window. The roar belonged to Leo the lion-hearted lion. Leo had always thought Dotty was beautiful and that she had the most beautiful song. Leo walked around the house until he found an open door and what did he find but the key to the cage. He carefully put the key into the cage and the door to the cage magically opened and Dotty was free.
The magical key was also the key that opened Dotty’s heart. Leo saved himself and Dotty that day because Leo was so happy to have Dotty fly around with him all day and Dotty was so happy she became beautiful again. Sometimes Leo would carry Dotty on his back and sometimes Dotty would sing her special song that warmed Leo’s lion-heart. Soon even the beavers and the fox became her friends because they missed her so much while she was away that they all lived happily ever after.
Listening to my better angels I realize I have to just be for a while. I've been immersed in chaos for more then a couple of months and I need to regroup and find what I really love and move on. Forgive me if I cluttered up your Facebook page while I was searching.
Tangled Stitch will be my only blog for the moment. I will be sharing pictures of my embroidery and fiber work and write whatever my intuition and inspirations tell me needs to be shared. I'll check my email twice a day but that is basically the extent of my time on the computer.
I am going to go where love goes and stitch myself to my favorite music or in silence whatever I think is needed at the moment. I realize I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anybody else. Please treat everyone in your universe with kindness, love, compassion and understanding because some times people just get lost and forget what is truly important to them. Peace
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've imagined. It was written by Henry David Thoreau many moons ago and it has been used to inspire millions. So today I would like to address confidence or lack of it more likely and how I am taking the old rule book ripping out the pages and going confidently in the direction of my dreams.
Growing up as I did, I never quite had confidence in myself. I basically lived in fear. Fear is one of those emotional states that you just don't even realize is there except for the fact that you plan your life instead of living it. The idea that all of the abundance of the universe is available to you if you believe is a foreign concept when you are used to darkness, unhappiness and the fear that everything you love will be taken away from you. That fear is actually a self fulfilling prophecy because it limits how far you are willing to walk out to the edge and jump to take a risk. In my case I never really got beyond the edge. Until a few months ago anyway.
A few months ago I was on top of my world, I had confidence, I was making art, I was listening to music I loved and doing all kinds of creative work and networking and things were going great. Then I decided to leave my marriage and didn't take into effect that I would feel that fear of abandonment again. So my fears took over and I made an unbelievably stupid bunch of choices that landed me in the darkest place ever. I'm not sorry for any of them because whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger and did what I believed was the right thing to do at that moment.
I am getting my strength back and I've been cleaning out some old cupboards, working on some new work, and trying to get my head on straight so that I can make smart decisions when the time comes. I keep coming back to that statement by Thoreau. When you truly can't figure out which road to take, you should take the road you've always taken and for me that is writing my blog and embroidering. I'm finally ready to move beyond the fear and make some great art and write some interesting posts and I'm finally going to send some of them in to magazines. You have to start somewhere.
I know I have a purpose to share my story and give hope to others but that is a only a dream if you don't take action. I'm still trying to decide whether it is better to write blogs for children so they lean to be accepting of others who are different from them. Or inspire their parents to teach them these values themselves. So the fear has passed the sun has come out and I am so thankful for the last few months of dealing with a lifetime of fear and missed opportunities.
Now I must leave to put this love heart on Etsy and to frame yet another finished piece. Hooray. Life has returned to the castle. Blessings.
Monday, May 14, 2012
In the magical life of a unicorn everyone is accepted and loved for who they are, horns included. You see a unicorn is neither a horse nor a hippo. A unicorn is very unique and very special. They have extra powers which make them very magical just like some of your friends are.
In the magical land of a unicorn everyone is allowed to make mistakes and accepted for who they are at that moment, so the magic can start up again the next day. I think everyone of us is a magical unicorn, we each have our horsy moments when we nay, we have our rhino moments when we grunt and we have our lion moments when we roar. But sometimes we are just happy little unicorns who are so grateful to be unicorns and magical.
But every once in while in our magical unicorn life, we find something extra magical we didn’t know was out there. We find another unicorn that looks a little different and comes from a different town, but somehow they recognize that he is part of their unicorn family. When that extra magical unicorn comes into another unicorn’s life, he makes all the other unicorns happy. He was a different color and he sang a different tune then they did but still they knew that somehow he belonged. All magical unicorns always have a special song each one of them sings that makes them unique but each family of magical unicorns has their own special song so they know they belong to a family.
And then they remembered why he was one of their magical unicorns. It was the color of his eyes. They were the most sparkling blue just like the unicorn that had disappeared years before. He had come back to search for the beautiful brown-eyed unicorn and he found her. All of the unicorns were overjoyed because he had finally found the only other unicorn in the world who, although they did not look like each other and they did not act like each other, had their own special song and their own magical unicorn powers that united them in the magical life of a unicorn. They just knew they were meant to be together in the life of a magical unicorn. In a magical unicorn way they accepted each other for all of their differences and mistakes and lived happily and unicornily ever after. Please remember that the next time you go to school and see a magical unicorn they may just be your brother or something else completely.
This story came to me in the supermarket and I just had to share it . My intuition tells me that my true purpose is to remind children that we are all the same in our own unique way. Thank you to my friend Carrie whose beautiful illustration of a unicorn inspired this blog post. Blessings.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Have Love Will Travel is my favorite song by The Black Keys. Their music was the running soundtrack for my happy little life when my mornings were filled with embroidery and music. Somewhere along the line I lost the music and stopped embroidering all the time. I still embroider but not as much as I used to and frankly I haven't been living the happy little life either. But today that all changes.
All I know is that before I started to think about the Black Keys in the human sense, my soul was pretty freakin happy. Yes happy. I laughed, came out of my little turtle shell and frankly had a ball. Lost weight, started moving my life forward, even had the urge to Twitter remarkably funny non rock stars. Every single day I woke up with a different Black Keys song in my head.
Somewhere along the way I started to travel a different road, unhappiness with my current life and the burning urge to move on created a trajectory out of my old life and into a new one. The problem with that is I wanted out and I had no plans in place and I've been spiraling out of control ever since. I ended up traveling a road I really didn't want to travel. But my soul is still kind of oblivious to the horrible pain my mere mortalness has caused it and everyone around me, I am still losing weight and incredibly productive when I allow myself to put my headphones on and work.
So to please my soul, I'm going to get right back on that horse and start embroidering and knitting(I love to knit and crochet too) and put my headphones on and work, work, work until one day I wake up and the song Have Love Will Travel is my song for the day again. Because no matter what happens to you on your road it is the love that travels that somehow gets ingrained in your soul.
So if embroidery and the Black Keys don't float your boat and you feel sort of desperate go find some help. I highly recommend that too. Find something you love and something that makes it easier to do what you love and find joy again. That's what I'm going to be doing. Blessings
Thursday, May 10, 2012
This is one of my favorite pieces. I love the colors in the background and it is my favorite hand. I am working on a piece at the moment and still uncluttering so I can have room for the things I love. Peace, love and understanding and I'll be back soon. Blessings
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Out of all the gifts we are given unconditional love is the one we carry with us all throughout our lives. We are all beings created out of love and all of us live in the womb. Our time there varies but we are unconditionally loved and given the nutrients that allow us to come out of the womb as fully formed human beings.
Our mother carries our life in her womb from the moment we are conceived in love until the time we are brought into this world. She is the one person we are most connected to during that time in the womb. We are brought into the world and we need to depend on those who love us to survive our infancy.
If we are so blessed we have children of our own to love unconditionally. They follow that circle of love and life. We have to teach them to love, honor, and care about their fellow beings on this earth and to be kind. We have to teach them to love themselves and to become who they are meant to be. We have to teach them that no matter what happens to them during their life, they were created from love.
I have been blessed to know both sides of that circle of life. I have been unconditionally loved and I have loved unconditionally. That is really all I can ask for from my life. To give a child the feeling that he was loved even if it was only at the moment of conception. He is love personified.
My son has a habit of thanking me for everything I do for him. My response is always the same, you don’t have to thank me I am your mother. I am so proud that my son is so grateful for even the simplest things. That is one of the greatest gifts he has given me. I know that no matter what else I do in my lifetime, I have left a beautiful thankful human being on this earth.
Monday, May 7, 2012
I don't know how clearly you can see the image in the center of the big black hole, but it is a hand with a gold star in it. It is the hand that should be outreached to help anyone who is hopeless. We live in the dark, we make plans, we get busy, we forget about our hopes and dreams. We forget that we are beings of light and we must shine every day, all of us together in one beautiful collective feeling of hope, love, light, compassion.
There are so many strings that bind us to each other. There are the strings that go into making an embroidery piece. There are the strings that make an afghan. There are the strings of a guitar. There are strings used in mending things, making them stronger, reinforcing them. We all must use our strings and unite in one big light filled string of love, peace, happiness and understanding.
But for the grace of god, I could be in Syria on the front lines, I could be a baby asleep in my crib while bombs go off outside my room, I could be a starving child in any of the countries of the world or even right here in the richest country in the world. I could be an anyone.
We are all connected by our hopes and our dreams and the hopes and dreams of our forefathers all over the globe. We all wake up in the morning, eat, drink, go to the bathroom, make love, love our families, laugh at jokes, dance to music. We are all the same no matter where we live. We are all connected.
But for the grace of God go I. Please remember your light, your shining beacon on a hill, and practice love, hope and understanding. Show it to your family, show it to your neighbors, show it to your grocery clerks, show it to your representatives, show it to your president and show it to the world. Because if someone does not do something to remind us of who we really are down to our collective souls our world will perish. We need to have a collective soul and live with those we don't know and love them the same way we love those we live with. I have hope, light,love and compassion. Blessings.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
I can still remember Halloween when he was a baby. He was sitting on the couch next to a big bowl of candy and getting such a kick out of playing with the candy wrappers in the bowl. He was just laughing that wonderful infectious laugh that babies are just known for. Whenever I hear a baby laughing I think of Brian.
When Brian was 5 or 6, he came home from school with a scratch on his neck. I asked him what happened and he told me a boy on the bus grabbed him. Being a 5 or 6 year old he didn't quite know how to explain the scratch, so I called the school and they told me a boy liked him so much that he was trying to hug hm and scratched him instead.
We moved to upstate NY when he was 11, he was named the smiliest kid in the 6th grade, a distinction I'm not sure he really appreciated but I certainly did. He has a beautiful warm smile.
He is a wonderful and loyal friend. His "girl"friends love him and adore him. He gives them advice on their boyfriends, he writes them wonderful stories, he takes them out for pizza and I must say he has wonderful taste in the ladies he hangs out with.
He personifies unconditional love as he is always loyal, if something occurs that tests that friendship or his family, he is always forgiving and accepts people for who they are not what they do in the moment. I love that about him.
I am so proud of his accomplishments, my proudest day as of yet was his graduation from high school and I am proud to say he will be a senior at UAlbany in September. He is studying socialogy and psychology but my secret hope is that he will become a writer. He has such a flair for writing and his writing is insightful, interesting and humorous.
I am just really blessed and thankful that this wonderful man is my son. He has been so easy to love for every single day of his life.
This piece is called Unconditional Love and as of the moment it has no destination. Blessings.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Today I am a person who is finally moving beyond the past. I am a person moving towards the light, giving up everything that I simply do not love to make space for the things I do love. I have walked a long journey with these women besides me . This picture was taken on my 16th birthday. It is the only picture I have of the 4 of us and I think we all look beautiful. It was taken at my grandmother's house in Brooklyn NY which is where we had all of our special occassions and holidays. It was fun and delicious. My grandmother was an excellent cook.
My great grandmother came over from Italy with her children. She had several husbands who passed away and I'm sorry to say I really don't remember all that much about her except that she had a beautiful smile and she spoke Italian. She was strong enough to raise her children and forge her way into a new country, which is just so inspiring. She had two lovely daughters(and sons too) named Lucy and Mary. .
Lucy is my grandmother and she was just the salt of the earth. She was so brave and so courageous. She was outspoken and loving in every single way possible. She was one of those people that just loved unconditionally. She had an incredibly tough life as a child. She was in an orphanage for a while and told of the time when the nuns shaved her head in a circle because she talked back to them. Sometimes I like to imagine that I got some of her spunk. She got married before she was 16 to a merchant marine. My mother was her first child and he went out to sea, my aunt was her second child and he went out to sea and my uncle was the last child when he went out to sea and my grandmother decided to move on with her life. She married my grandfather Anthony who was just the kindest man ever. He was wonderful. Every little girl should be as lucky to have a grandfather like mine.
My Aunt Mary was quite spunky too. She lived to be 95 and up until the last few years of her life she could have passed for her 70s. I just hope I can have the same quality of life and spunk that she had. She was a very independent woman who used to give me advice about money and men. She was a hoot and loads of fun at the holidays.
I've talked about my mother Phyllis before on my blog. She was born with a different name but for my entire life she was Phyllis. She was just a living angel. She gave up everything for her children, she just loved us to death. She was a frustrated artist who taught us so much about culture and literature and life. She did it in her own way but made sure my brother and I had the basics to be educated about life and culture . She was the smartest, kindest, most loving mother anyone could ever have. She has been gone almost 30 years and I still miss her dearly. She just gave up her life making my brother and I feel happy, loved and fulfilled. She was so easy to talk to and so compassionate and so darn strong. She got through my brother's death, she got through my fathers accident, she overcame depression, she made us eat every delicious morsel of food she cooked. She played with us. She loved music and dancing and she used to dance with us. She played cards with us every night, she was just the best. She was funny and quiet too. She was very quiet but she was blessed with me for a daughter and I can talk any one under a table.She is the person who inspires me the most. She was the most passionate outspoken woman I will ever know and I am proud to be her daughter.
And I guess that leads to me, the final woman in my lineage at least. Me! I am blessed and thankful to God for the wonderful women who loved me and their strength is in me today as I go out into this new life and leave the old one behind. I've gone through a lot the last couple of months but somehow I think I've come out of it stronger and more courageous. I've outgrown all of my habits of my youth and I'm grateful that I have great friends who love me and carry on the legacy of my foremothers. We are women hear us roar.
The Very Thought of You is a song sung by many, but my personal favorite is the beautiful rendition of it by Billie Holiday another strong, independent woman who forged her way into the future. Blessings to all and please thank all the lovely ladies in your life.