Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Long and Winding Road Revisited

Hi.  It's been a while but for very good reason.  The long and winding road has brought me to a new place in my life.  I have moved into my new apartment and I have to say the change has been very positive.   I found the perfect apartment for me, between the natural lighting during the day and the abundance of lighting and sconces for the night time has been exceptional.  I've been able to work so much more, I'm sleeping a bit better, it is beautiful.  I have gotten the essential furniture which consists of a bed, a futon for Brian, a chair and a dining set.  Still need more furniture and may go out in a little while to look for a computer table and a dresser for craft storage.  It's a brand new start and I'm loving it.  It finally feels like the past is behind me and I am moving into a better future.

I have found a cute little boutique which wants to carry the scarves and handbags so I'm looking forward to making more of them.  I'm working on the above piece and have gotten more accomplished this week on this piece than any other time.  I think that has been the biggest difference, the ability to work again.  I had lost my mojo for so long it is nice to have it return at least somewhat. 

My son is ok this time around too, having a hovercraft for a mother kind of breaks the spell of having your mother leave home, I'm thinking as long as I didn't move to Timbuktu he would have been satisfied and I do hope he comes to visit me anyway. 

So here I am firmly ensconced in Cambridge, NY.  I just love it here, it's such a peaceful place and beautiful even if you get lost which I manage to do at least a couple of times a week.  See you soon with more pictures and more witty repartee.  One of the upcoming posts I'll focus on the pie at Bensons(that is a hook to get you to come back).

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Focus


This is one of the pieces I am working on at the moment.  It is called Gutted.  

Focus is the theme of this blog post.  With the holidays, divorce and a move on the horizon I am finding it so hard to focus on hand embroidery at the moment.  The ironic part of this is that the more I hand embroider the more I focus.  The more I go out and about the more unfocused I become so the idea of looking for an apartment has been a daunting experience.  It's not world peace and compared to the world at the moment it's very immaterial whether I am focused or unfocused or hand embroidering or not but since my blog has suffered lately I thought I would offer an explanation.

Please check back in the coming days and see more pictures of Gutted and hopefully in a few days or weeks when I am ensconced in my new apartment I will have much more to share about art, hand embroidery and life.  Please have a great holiday season.  Focus on your loved ones and the stuff that you love.  See you soon. 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Love


Love comes and goes and sometimes it stays.  Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes it is hidden beneath the surface.  Love is felt as a glance, a touch, a meaningful conversation.  Love lives in the eternal.  It is hidden away from the masses but right under the soul, unseen but yet felt.

Who can explain why we fall and love and with whom.  What makes it possible for two people to live a lifetime together and not really understand each other and what makes it possible for two people to meet and fall in love instantly.

Love is unexplainable.  We are all shaped by those we love.  From the time we are born we are shaped by the love of our parents or the lack of their love.  We are shaped by our first loves, we are shaped by our in-between loves, we are shaped by those we share our lives with and then finally we are shaped by our last loves.  The one we find when all hope has gone, the one we can’t live without. 
 
That last one is the one we have to strive for, so we leave this world happier than the tears we entered it with.  The dream one can’t give up.  No matter what happens the last one is unconditional, it’s the one that carries us into eternity, who finally heals us.  First we have to heal ourselves, let go of the past and remind ourselves that the one person who will float our boat to eternity is out there somewhere and we have to move forward everyday loving ourselves so that we are open to be loved.  I’m ready to move forward finding love in myself , doing what I love and opening myself up for that last love, the one I can’t give up. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Wesley



My work is hanging on the wall of a lovely nursing home in Saratoga Springs, NY called the Wesley.  Yesterday was the meet and greet for the opening of the show where my work is featured with Carol Hesselink a lovely and very talented quilt artist.  It is an honor to have my work featured with Carol and to have listened to her talk about her process and her work.   Many thanks also to Janet Tanquay from Art n Soul who set up this wonderful opportunity. 

Yesterday may just be the day that turns around my artistic career.  I realized just how far I have come and just how far I still have to go all in one afternoon.   I have learned to appreciate my work and talk about it in a way that values the work, the inspiration and the ability I have been gifted with.  I talked about my process and the inspirations that start the moment an image comes into my head until the moment I put the last stitch on it.  The ladies were very knowledgeable and a joy to converse with.

At the end of the meet and greet two lovely ladies stayed behind and they spoke to me in a way that very few people do and it was very impactful.  They spoke to me as my mother would have spoken to me.  They told me my work was beautiful, that I should follow my dream and live my life on my terms.  When you have been floundering around for months in the wilderness trying to keep your head on straight people have a tendency to forget who you are, they just want you to figure your own life out and shut the heck up.  If you don’t get the message, they make sure you do by disappearing out of your life.  People who know you and who care about you always want to fix you or they want you to fix yourself, as they can’t watch you circle the drain.  Angels who you catch unawares seem to know exactly the words you need to hear that will help you carry on.  They haven’t heard your cries for help and they just offer solace in the moment.  I am very lucky that God puts them in my path.

God has been putting angels in my path for months now; I just have been so lost that I haven’t listened to them.  I have been so stuck in grief and fear that I have stopped being an artist and stopped writing my blog.  That is career suicide for an artist and a writer and metaphorical suicide for a person.  When you stop doing that which makes your boat float you might as well just roll up in a ball and die.  That is where I have been most of the last few months, rolled up in a ball waiting to die or waiting for the jailer to bring the keys out of my internal prison.  But then there is God who always seems to find the angels to save me from myself.  An angel who tells me to go to school, or that my work is beautiful or that I can do anything I want to do if I believe in myself. That is the voice I have to listen to, the voice of God.  All the well-meaning people in the world cannot give you the answers you need to be who you want to be, you have to listen to yourself, to your God and to your angels. They know what lives in your heart and what keeps you alive.  So onward and forward, no more promises, no more excuses, no more explaining myself anymore.  I will be busy being an artist and trying to find a way to live my remaining years in a way that honors the gifts and the angels and the wonderful ladies at the Wesley so that perhaps one day I will be able to be an angel for somebody else.

Thank you for reading, thank you if you are well meaning friend, thank you if you are an angel.  Thank you God.