Usually I don't talk politics on my blog because my life and my work are more important to me. Today as a New Yorker who uprooted myself and my family after 9/11 I am speaking from a more reflective and fearful place then I usually write from.
I have to admit I know very little about Pakistani politics, except that Ms. Bhutto was supposed to be a conduit for democracy and moderation in that crazy place Osama Bin Laden has called home for the last so many years. The fact that OBL had made her a target so soon after she returned to her country(and failed) meant that perhaps she was a person who was capable of change. And then today happened. It may have been Musharaff or someone else not connected to AQ but that is rather unlikely. So OBL has struck again. And I am afraid again.
It seems a lot of the last 6 years have been spent in fear and anticipation of loss. The wars, the London train bombing, the videotapes. Everything propagates that fear. Will I lose someone I know? I have been very lucky. I only knew a few acquaintances not friends who were lost on 9/11 but I used to have the habit of reading obituaries when I was a kid and an adult. That changed on 9/11. It is very painful to read hundreds of obituaries a day instead of one or two.
I have to be honest I wanted to move before 9/11, very badly wasn't really a city mouse. I was a country mouse. But after 9/11 everyone I loved wanted me to move. My husband worked downtown and although he was a few blocks away on that day, he did end up walking over the bridge and coming home with dust of humans all over his shoes. My only saving grace is that he was home before my son came home from school. My son had a girl in his class that lost her father and a boy on his baseball team who also lost his father. I was so glad I did not have to explain where my husband was. It was awful living down there the grief and sadness was palpable and everywhere. I put my faith in god and somehow was lucky enough to have my dream and move to my place of peace. Everytime I reached an obstacle a little sign would let me know I was on my journey to peace.
In the last 5 years that I have lived here I have found peace everywhere. I have wonderful friends, my family is happy and safe, I have discovered I am an artist but yet on a day like today I go back to 9/11 and wonder.
I wonder if we will ever have peace. I wonder if we will ever have a leader who leads with brains and diplomacy instead of the same old, same old. A lot of the people with so called experience took our troops out of Afganistan and put them in Iraq. Now they are supposedly going to benefit from the horrible news of today and I wonder if anybody in Washington has been paying attention and gives a darn about the people they serve. I'm pretty much anti war, but I have to admit after 9/11 I saw the purpose in Afganistan and going after Bin Laden. I knew before Iraq that it wasn't really part of the war on terror, evidently the oh so experienced candidates didn't see it my way. Which to this day always begs the question that if I a meager housewife living in upstate New York with a limited knowledge of terrorists and muslim culture could figure out that Iraq was a wrong turn why didn't those so called brains running the country figure it out?
So that leaves us with now. What happens? Are we into yet another war? Are we on the verge of another attack? Will the terrorists get the nukes? I'm afraid and all I can think is I want peace. Hopefully by the next time we meet I will be able to write about wonderful hand embroidery and wonderful thoughts for the new year but today all I can say is I want peace!