Saturday, November 28, 2009
Hidden Beneath the Surface
This piece is called Hidden Beneath the Surface. This is the piece I started a few weeks back but couldn't put down until I did. Now I have picked it up again. It had a completely different name when I started it, but that too shall remain hidden beneath the surface.
Why is it that so much of who we really are is hidden beneath the surface like the Loch Ness Monster only to pop out at inopportune times? Why can't we be snarky or nasty or angry or disappointed? Or why is it that when we are truly truly happy there is always somebody there to point out our foibles? Why must we always put on a pretty face for others and live a blah, blah, blah existence?
Although I love them dearly even with their own idiosyncrasies, our families are always there to put us back into the place where they think we belong. The relative who has to remind you that when you were 20 you searched your way through too many jobs to count. Those who insists you put some lipstick on even when you never wear lipstick. Always, always reminding you that no matter what you do or no matter who you are nothing is ever good enough. So we leave these feelings of anger and frustration and all those other negative feelings they bring up hidden beneath the surface until the wrong person at the wrong time says the wrong thing. And then they pop out, although usually with someone who sees all the hidden things and loves you anyway.
That is the problem with being a searcher, someone who is always searching for other's approval. But I guess now that I'm 50 I've decided that is not what I want for my life. I want to be authentic, be who I am(the good, the bad, and the unlipsticked) and do what I want to do. And it's ok for them to be who they want to be too. We spend so much of our lives wanting to be perfect, but perfection is only an illusion. I don't really think there are any "perfect" people although I agree that many imperfect people think they are perfect. The true search is to find yourself and make your path and remember who you really are. All the warts and beauty marks exactly where they belong. Find people who you can be the real you around, the people you choose to have in your life who weren't preselected. And find your own joy, be it sitting for hours listening to your favorite music with your favorite diversion. Which brings me full circle. This piece speaks to the part of me that will always remain hidden beneath the surface but that comes to life listening to a great song with some embroidery thread and a piece of fabric. Keep stitchin.