Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Oh Happy Day
I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that my grandmother and grandfather used to live over a church in Brooklyn NY. They originally hailed from Bermuda so it is a miracle I even came into the world as if my father stayed in Bermuda I wouldn't be here today. Myself I probably would have stayed in Bermuda. But I digress.
Since my epiphany which is really all I can call it and the revelations of how I grew up the most amazing things have happened. All the people I loved through out my life from my brother, to my cousin, to my friends all seem to be sharing just how much they love me. It is the most wonderful feeling ever. It's like you finally feel like a piece of the puzzle that fits. I've been listening to the most unbelievably inspiring music, from Here Comes the Sun to Oh Happy Days by the queen herself Ms. Aretha Franklin and now I know how to do that hand thing like she used to do. Driving in my car listening to music I suppose, it's quite humorous really and if you see me coming you have to just get out of the way. Not really but poetic license, perhaps.
I'm also finding out that they thought of me as some sort of light. That is amazing because I kind of feel light now, a bounce in my step and a loss of weight without even dieting. Now that is an epiphany all by itself. And my brain just kind of feels empty with nothing but lightness and love left behind.
It's weird because all my life I kept things hid. I didn't do things I should have done, I didn't say things I should have said, I let people use me as a freakin doormat to load all their troubles on. And then I just couldn't live with the darkness, with the weight of other people's troubles, handling everybody's issues except my own. And the my own is the important part. So many people hide their lights under a bushel to fit in, or to appear stronger, or just to be normal(a word that should be struck from the human dictionary very quickly). But you don't really have to. Just take one small step as I did when I applied again to be a member of VAM. I could have said no I don't want to risk it again, but my lovely friend and artistic mentor Cheryl prodded me into it. Best decision I was ever prodded into. I don't know if I've outright said it but art has helped bring to light a lot of issues and heal them from the inside out. The Black Hole when all you see in the middle of a big black hole is a hand reaching up with light shimmering out. The tree quilt that I made as an honor to my family. My mothers glasses, my fathers hammer, lots of beads and glitter and green, I just love green. And orange too. Carol said it was a tree that looked like it had roots on both ends. And now are the whimsical pieces and some french knotty abstract things in green that come from my soul have bought me full circle.
I guess since I don't want to write a book, what I'm saying is that you have to find what you love and do it every single day, most of your day. It's not selfish to have a healthy psyche. It's the gift you give yourself that just keeps giving. And whether you like to bake, or like to sing, or like to stitch. Things made with love are just the best gifts to receive. And they have wonderful fringe benefits by bringing a relaxed human being even into a nest of hornets. And they show other people your light.
So if you are looking for an answer to life's big questions, ask yourself what would make me happy today? Because I guarantee whatever answer you end up with is better then war, and hate, and battles, and despair. Please go look for your own light and if you can't find it, find a good therapist and some great friends to help you find it. It's really important because it's the only thing that is going to save us. Keep stitchin.