Sunday, May 27, 2012
Day In the Life
I was going to take the weekend off of blogging because I don't really have anything new to talk about. I'm still looking for a job, looking for a home and moving forward to my future. Slowly, very slowly. But I'm moving. But it also part of my dream to be a writer so here I am.
I am on a journey from the life I've lived to the life I want to have. I have to trust that there is a god or a universe that knows where my journey will lead. I have to trust it completely or I will stay stuck in the moment and not move anywhere. Fear has been a constant companion in the last week but so has faith. Being fearful allows you to just stop dead in your tracks and let your life happen to you instead of letting you make you life happen. Faith allows you to take the baby steps or leaps when you need to move forward. So in essence, you move forward, you move backwards and then you move forward again.
I would like to believe I trust in faith more then fear but sometimes it's very hard to make the distinction. I tend to live more in my yesterdays then my today sadly. But I am still moving forward with the faith I need to catapult myself into a new life. There have been many positive changes in the last few months since I made the decision that my life wasn't working. I feel much more an artist, I've lost some weight, I've sent my baggage to another destination and I like myself more. I've started meditating and listening to different types of music and wondering what else I can do to provide for myself. But then there is the fear that I will make a mistake, that I will end up stuck here or get out on my own and lose everything. But sometimes in life you have to look that fear in the eye and say there is always tomorrow.
We don't know what God and the universe have in store for us, until tomorrow becomes now. In this moment and all the following moments I must pay attention to the faith and the fear. I will cobble together the life I want to live, where there is meaning and purpose and love. Love of my hand embroidery, love of music, peace in meditation when I'm not feeling very peaceful. That is all I can do at the moment. But I do know one thing, I must live more in faith then in fear. Blessings.