Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've imagined. It was written by Henry David Thoreau many moons ago and it has been used to inspire millions. So today I would like to address confidence or lack of it more likely and how I am taking the old rule book ripping out the pages and going confidently in the direction of my dreams.
Growing up as I did, I never quite had confidence in myself. I basically lived in fear. Fear is one of those emotional states that you just don't even realize is there except for the fact that you plan your life instead of living it. The idea that all of the abundance of the universe is available to you if you believe is a foreign concept when you are used to darkness, unhappiness and the fear that everything you love will be taken away from you. That fear is actually a self fulfilling prophecy because it limits how far you are willing to walk out to the edge and jump to take a risk. In my case I never really got beyond the edge. Until a few months ago anyway.
A few months ago I was on top of my world, I had confidence, I was making art, I was listening to music I loved and doing all kinds of creative work and networking and things were going great. Then I decided to leave my marriage and didn't take into effect that I would feel that fear of abandonment again. So my fears took over and I made an unbelievably stupid bunch of choices that landed me in the darkest place ever. I'm not sorry for any of them because whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger and did what I believed was the right thing to do at that moment.
I am getting my strength back and I've been cleaning out some old cupboards, working on some new work, and trying to get my head on straight so that I can make smart decisions when the time comes. I keep coming back to that statement by Thoreau. When you truly can't figure out which road to take, you should take the road you've always taken and for me that is writing my blog and embroidering. I'm finally ready to move beyond the fear and make some great art and write some interesting posts and I'm finally going to send some of them in to magazines. You have to start somewhere.
I know I have a purpose to share my story and give hope to others but that is a only a dream if you don't take action. I'm still trying to decide whether it is better to write blogs for children so they lean to be accepting of others who are different from them. Or inspire their parents to teach them these values themselves. So the fear has passed the sun has come out and I am so thankful for the last few months of dealing with a lifetime of fear and missed opportunities.
Now I must leave to put this love heart on Etsy and to frame yet another finished piece. Hooray. Life has returned to the castle. Blessings.