Tuesday, August 14, 2012

In the Still of the Night

Sometimes we end up in places and we have no godly explanation how we ended up there.  That is sort of where I am at the moment.  I am exactly where I need to be at this moment and I have no Godly explanation of how I ended up here.  A week ago I was still getting over the shell shock of being sent out into the cold hard world before I deemed I was ready.  I personally thought I needed at least a couple more days of rest and relaxation in the behavioral unit before attempting to live again in the real world again.

Hence the powers that be and my insurance company decided not quite.  So I started the week of hotel, which was ultra cool having a jacuzzi and a really cool bathtub to soak in.  And somehow in desperation and a realization that I couldn't live at home(I think I can visit and probably be a friend to the experience but I can't live in my old home) I answered a listing on Craig'slist and ended up overlooking some water, eating ganache on my birthday and marveling in the still of the night about how the heck did I exactly end up here now.

I've started to sleep again, not straight through but more and more each night.  I've started to embroider again, more than I have in months, I've started to dream again and I looked out the window last night in the darkness to see lights shimmering on the canal and realized I may not be here forever but this is where I am supposed to find myself in the moment.  I have a new friend who is a chef, hence the ganache. I found some vintage fabrics, hence the upcoming pillows and hearts.  I found myself as an artist and I found peace.  Honest to goodness peace with being myself and hoping for the best again.  And yet I still don't really understand how I ended up with a room overlooking water, with a trusty dog and a bunch of  trusty cats and a friend all in the blink of an eye. In a place where you can buy vintage fabric.  Do you know how hard it is to buy good vintage anything anymore?

I'm going to go shower and clear my head and start my day, back to CP to see my son, see my therapist and contemplate what to bring with me to my new home.  Have a great day and I'll see you later on Facebook or here with some pictures of work instead of my great new view.  Deb

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