Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Angels

Sometimes angels don't come with wings they come with mommy jeans.  I have the flu and I have all these voices in my head telling me what to eat and to just relax and embroider.  I haven't been giving myself permission to do what I love because there are other voices in my head telling me embroidery is not a job.  And you know what embroidery is not a job it is a calling.  Hand embroidery is doing something the old fashioned way.  Making thousands of little stitches and turning them hopefully into something beautiful.  In the crazy world we live in there is not enough beauty in the world.

I especially miss my mommy angels today but I've been thinking a lot about mommies and their roles in our lives.  I'm having a hard time taking the full time mommy off my moniker myself.  If you had a good mommy then you miss her even 30 years after she is gone.  If you have a bad mommy you can't wait till her hold on your life is over.  Everyone seems to want something they can't have, no mommy is ever good enough until they are gone.  That is when you realize just how wonderful they were and how they taught you to be a good mother even if they weren't a very good one themselves.

Now I've spoken countless times about my mother the artist and how she nurtured me as an artist and a writer but I've never really mentioned how her coddling kind of stunted my growth as a person.  I never learned how to get back on the bike or quit a job gracefully(my mother used to quit my jobs for me).  I didn't quite unlearn that lesson with my own son and find myself wanting to fix all of life's problems for him.  I love him very much but I can't really do that for him so all I can hope for is that he grows up to be someone I am so super proud of where ever I am.

I've decided it's time to take care of myself and for the moment taking care of myself means embroidering and writing.  If I have anything to share I will but in the meantime, hug your mom if she is still with you.  Let her know you love her.  Hug your father too.  Someday they will not be here to hold your hand and tell you everything will be all right or watch Bette Davis movies in the middle of the night with you. 



And a special honorary thank you to my mother in law and my aunts who supported me have been there for me during the last few painful months.  I am glad they are alive so perhaps they can read this and realize I really do appreciate everything they've done for me.  And thanks to the mommy friends who really helped out when I needed help the most. If only I had listened sooner.

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