Messages From the Universe

Sometimes in our lives we ask God or the universe what we need in our life.  We go inward and meditate and ask for answers.  Sometimes the answers are painful memories which he keep us stuck in a place of lack.  Sometimes the answer is opportune people who show up in your life to give you meaningful messages.  I have become very aware in the last few months on the limitations I have placed on myself due to my opinion of my self.  While meditating I uncovered horrible truths which I realize have affected my outer world but more importantly my inner world.

I have spent years on a spiritual journey and have learned to accept people for who they are or who I thought they were.  I concentrated on the good and forgot the rest and somehow managed to have a bunch of people in my life who love me more than I love myself who I love dearly.    On the other hand I have squandered a hell of a lot of money, been unable to find love for myself in the process, and put myself on the precipice of having lost all my material possessions.  Possessions don’t really matter if you can’t believe in yourself and find the love you need to find for yourself so you can love others.

After months of meditation and much soul searching, I am trying to find my true purpose in being here.  My kind spirit and open heart include everyone except myself.  My chaotic childhood, chaotic marriage and chaotic divorce have shaken me to the bone.  I hear voices in my head that tell me I am loved and protected and I believe that or I wouldn’t be here.  I also hear voices that are quite negative and hateful at times.  On the other hand I have unearthed an awful lot of stuff from both directions.

I digress a little bit.  A few weeks ago when I was driving up to the co-op I asked God if I should focus on my art.  I got an answer, three different people came in and mentioned how much they loved my art and I made a sale.  Message received for a person who believes in signs.  I came home that day and instead of making beautiful art I inserted myself into a conversation about our president and had a panic attack.  Message received. I cannot save the world at the moment I cannot save myself.

At the moment I am thinking about focus and mindfulness and trying to live in the moment.  There are two huge signs that I’m on the right path one is I have for the most part focus on my customers at my waitress job.  I enjoy going to work and feel more comfortable.  The other is how I feel when I’m embroidering with focus.  The rest of my life is getting slightly less chaotic too but not really fast enough to save myself.

My somewhat successful Etsy shop has been malfunctioning and ever since they changed their algorithms nobody finds me.  Pinterest and instagram which were supposed to be helpful tools have me comparing myself to others not something that is good for me right now.  That being said my Etsy shop is running a sale on hearts right now. www.etsy.com/shop/debstangledstitches.  There are some beautiful art pieces there too.

In the meantime I’ll keep meditating, keep stitching and keep looking for messages from the universe.  The real universe not the online one.  Thanks for reading if you made it this far.  Back to my piece which gives me peace. I realize this was a rambling chaotic post, another message from the universe.